Couples and the Social Media

Recently there has been this sudden trend of married couples turning to social media to vent about their woes and troubles in paradise.I feel its very childish and unnecessary and yes i am still entitled to my opinion at the same time respecting yours.Why turn IG,Facebook and BBM to Dr Phil or Oprah?

When you both chose each other out of the kazillion homosapien roaming Planet Earth and decided to have and to hold till death do you part the rest of us were not part of it, not until you decided to host us to eating your jollof rice (for those who were lucky to have a plate). Now that reality has hit you, and you find out that this journey of life is making you both discover the good, the bad and the ugly of each other's character, please try to deal with it privately. 

Yes he is a chronic cheat, but you chose to love all of him didn't you? You can't bear it that she is a nag and very rude but hey, the tall stunning beauty was the one for you and there was no way you could have traded her for the average looking Bimpe at that time. I know its really hard for you all to do it especially now that technology has made social media the new cool but please folks, do try to keep your dirty linens within the family. Marriage comes with enough drama to make Shakespear green with envy. This is not news because our parents, grandparents, great-grand ancestors were lead actors and actresses in this age long movie but they worked it out. They stayed in it,accepted their fates, vented and made up.To invite a third party in was almost a no-no .They didn't remove their titles, they didn't do public apologies, they didn't announce to the world first that they were getting a divorce over ''irreconciliable differences'' before their significant others heard the news.

God created this institution to be honorable, to be enjoyed not endured,it should be respected.

It is pathetic that Couples no longer talk face to face, all communications are done via social media, this days wetin we no dey see? As crazy and perverted as the world is turning we need to hold on to the last reins of our morality and sanity no matter how much it is slipping away. God is the author of marriage and i may not know what you are going through right now, but i know He isnt an author of confusion.Everything He makes is beautiful and good, so instead of splashing the woes and frustrations all over social media, take it to Him on bended knees, with Him nothing is beyond repair. Talk to your partner, agree to disagree, agree to get angry, then agree to work things out.

And if you are still single, tolerance, patience and understanding can be learnt now in your relationship as this will come in handy when you finally get hitched.

# Justmythoughts

Rafael Izah

I

When a Relationship is Over, Love is not Over

When a relationship is over, I see too many people carry the pain around like a badge of honour, proudly inflicting the offence of one on several others.I think one of the reasons people hurt so much when a relationship ends and start hating on the opposite sex, saying all men/women are the same, shut off their heart completely from love is because they are in denial.

Yes, Someone they loved and cared for hurt them badly, every person will feel sad about that, but the reason they become haters, avoiding love is because they refuse to admit that they contributed to their pain. They saw the signs, they notice he/she wasnt honest or caring enough. They have been treated like a piece of trash way too many times by this person, they have been toyed with, made to feel inferior. Some even know their partner keeps other lovers, their instincts kept sounding the red alarm but they ignored it, kept holding on, hoping they can change that person. They wake up every morning knowing being with this person makes them depress in ways they cant fathom. Their self esteem is on the low but still they stuck around. If they can stop for a moment and accept that they knew the person wasnt right for them and they could have left when they had the chance. If they can accept that they had a role to play in getting their heart broken so badly, they will realise that the next relationship can be better and it makes it easier for them to start afresh again, to open their heart and love again.

The Girl Behind the Name

Growing up as a kid, Mum was somewhere far away pursuing her dreams. Dad had to work late hours to cater for the family, so my siblings and I had more than enough time to ourselves after school hours. We could play all day and when it is getting dark we run back home and clean up real nice. We could get into some brawl and made sure there were no scars to tell dad the tales…good fighting skills was needed for that, so my brother watched a lot of kungfu movies, he never really got into much of a fight though, he just loved learning the skills and would happily teach me. He taught me to leave the hair dragging and nail scratching for the little girls, he taught me how to throw a punch and shield one and how to throw kicks ”master leg” he called it. I was never one to avoid a fight, run away from one or from starting one, so those lessons were much cherished. I was always the hot headed one but my siblings would always have my back.

Growing up as a kid, I learnt freedom and independence and with it I learnt how to look after myself, how to be self dependent. The street life always had some kind of appeal to me and explored it I did. I would play football all day with the guys. I would walk with my friends round town as they go hawking for their parents. I would walk with some other friends with their parents to their farm miles away. I would assist them with peeling their harvested cassava, carry it to the grinders and watch their mum “fry” the grinded cassava into garri. When the younger kids get bullied, am that girl they cry to. I would take up their fight like it was mine. A couple of fists and kicks later and the position is stated clearly, “you either learn to treat people nicely or you have your arse gored”. I was never one to be bullied or intimidated.

My friends were there for me too. Too many times their parents took care of me when I come home from school sick. They would buy me drugs and have me eat some food.  Their elder siblings would happily share their novels with me and read I did. The world of story books and novels gave me great delight. With a soul as restless and angry as I was, books gave me an escape, a chance to see the world differently.

It took me quite some time but  I figured out a way to become a better me. I came to realise instead of defending people with the fist, I could defend them with words. Instead of being so angry at the little attention I got from home and the absence of a mother’s love, I could love and pay attention to myself, instead of being so hotheaded, I could be calm and still make a point. I learnt so much on the street, I learnt true friendship, I learnt true strength, I learnt never to look down on anyone no matter how better you believe your life is from theirs. I learnt independence, I learnt focus and most importantly I learnt self love.

what was your experience growing up, please do share in the comment box.

When they love you back

When we are love with someone, we notice their flaws, we notice the things
they do that doesn’t seem right..and somehow we believe we can make them change.
We believe our love can make them have a rethink and start doing things right.
So I see people struggling every day to change their partner..trying to get them
 to be more committed, more loving, more caring, faithful, stop flirting, drop bad
 habits, focused on the relationship .But I have come to realize it is an act of folly
 to believe someone will change cause you love them, NO..they may admire
your love,adore it, appreciate it even but  what  changes people is when they love you back.